Here are my seven questions to ask before or during the process of considering a long term relationship. I hope they help you!
1.) Do we share the same core values?
Core values mean different things to different people. For some people core values are based on their religion, for others, it is political or sometimes it’s just a world outlook. It is important to share core values with someone you intend to be in a relationship with long-term. If you don’t share these values, you must be willing to compromise a lot and that is something you definitely want to discuss in advance.
2.) What are your pet peeves?
Listen, we all have those things we just can’t stand. Sometimes they are even something that everyone does, like the sound of swallowing liquids. (I hate that sound, but we all do it.) Knowing each other’s minor annoying triggers in advance can help keep communication open and also prepare you for what will happen when you eventually trigger your partner or they trigger you. Being able to plan for minor annoyances like this means less stress in the future! So embrace those peeves! Get all that junk out there in the open!
3.) How do you feel about kids or pets?
We have all seen them, the couple who seems great for each other except, one wants a baby and one doesn’t. Or maybe he loves dogs but she hates hair. She wants to have a farm but he’s not an animal guy. These kinds of things can be worked out, but you need to present them upfront and honestly. No hiding your true feelings here! Let the other person know what they are getting into and know what you're getting into.
4.) How do you view money?
This subject could use its own article, but for the sake of time, I’ll shorten the points. You must share alike view of money to make your relationship work! Who pays for what? Who works, one of you, both of you? How much frivolous spending is okay? Do you both value saving? Are bills paid on time? How’s your credit? Shared accounts or separate? Talk about it! Maybe not on the first date, maybe not within the first month, but if you really plan to stay together long term, discuss these things ahead of time!
5.) Are family and friends important, and how important?
We all have a network, big or small. Knowing where your partner stands in their network gives you a good idea about how they see the world. Knowing the value of their family and friends also gives you a good idea of how important relationships are as a whole and also gives you some insight into any baggage they may be bringing with them regarding family and friends.
6.) What type of relationship are you looking for?
Relationship types vary greatly from person to person, couple to couple, etc. For some the traditional monogamous set up is ideal. For others, they want an open relationship. The key here is, to be honest with each other and make sure everyone is happy and consensual with the relationship type.
7.) What do you hope you gain from the relationship?
This one above all is probably the most important. The answer to this question gives you a good idea of the maturity level of all parties involved. It’s also an unusual question to hear most of the time. The truth is people want relationships for different reasons so knowing why the other person wants a relationship with you is important. Many heartaches can be saved from the beginning by having an honest answer to this question. For example: if one person just wants a relationship to have a date to take places and hang with, and the other person wants to have a family and get married one day, they are going to eventually have serious differences of expectation.
In summary, be honest, be gentle, be kind, and be curious! I hope these tips help you. If you enjoyed this article please drop us a like or comment! We’d love to hear from you.
I'm a woman who sees the world a bit differently. I've studied relationships, both through those around me, my own experiences & through traditional education on how human psychology affects our interpersonal connections for over ten years. This is my story, my advice, and my not so humble opinions.